Monday, August 22, 2005
Their relationship is something that neither of them can (or wants to) define. The friendship they had has been tainted with a series of events that puts them in a very uncertain state. Whether one is just leading the other on is unclear. All that is present are vague conversations and ambiguous banter centered around something neither of them is courageous enough to say out loud.
She is cautious. She is unwilling to drop all defenses and take the giant leap of faith, especially when, in her mind, he would be reluctant to open up as she is unwilling take the risk. And although there have been a number of opportunities for him to step up and take the stand which would have made all the difference, she would unsurprisingly find him retreating into his comfort zone and choose to continue with their trivial repartee.
She is scared. He has wounded her before, and whether or not that was intentional, it has nevertheless permanently stung her, and the trust that she has once unselfishly given him is now tainted.
She is tired. The more she analyzes the situation, the more it doesn't seem to make sense. Even if one of them decides to take a leap of faith, the circumstances surrounding them both would make it even more difficult and the sacrifice they would both have to make would be tremendous.
She is pensive. Nursing the feeling would obviously bring more harm than good, as it would mean being sucked into the blackhole she has only narrowly escaped from the past. There is a fine line between recovering from only a minor scratch and having to put a broken person back together.
Over lunch with her best friend, she heaved a frustrated sigh as she tried to make sense of the situation that was almost drowning her. The last thing she wanted to happen was for the emotion to consume her. She took a deep breath, sat up straight, and lifted her eyes to meet her best friend's knowing, concerned gaze.
"I don't want him to be the one."
About the Author
I have quit trying to figure out the inner workings of God's mind. I have learned to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Piazza
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